I spent most of the day yesterday working on my assignment, and I think I was worried for nothing. Even after an entire day of writing and thinking back on all the incredibly dumb things I did as a “kid” I went to bed happy, and Kevin and I were able to have a calm discussion about our finances. THAT NEVER HAPPENS. In the entire time we’ve been living together, never once have we been able to have a calm rational discussion about finances until last night. I walked right through a bunch of triggers and it was like: “poof” they didn’t affect me anymore. Well that’s not entirely true, I was a little frustrated but I didn’t flip out and start yelling or get so upset that I had to leave the room. I’m not sure what exactly that I’ve done in the past few days to make such a dramatic shift, but as long as it keeps up I’m all about it! lol.
If this is what it’s like to feel “normal” I don’t really know what to do with myself. I mean it’s great, but at the same time it just feels so foreign to me. As sad as that is… It almost feels like my emotional numbing phase, but with out the anxiety looming in the background. I’m capable of emotional expression but my emotions don’t sort of jump out and surprise me anymore. If that makes any sense. lol. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it. Or honestly if it’s actually “normal.” But I do know that it feels pretty great to not have World War III break out in the living room while Kevin and I are trying to make a decision for the family.
In some other awesome news, one of my best friends and I are planning on spending New Years Eve in Chicago. I’ve lived in the Midwest most of my life and still haven’t been up there. I feel kind of weird going off by myself and not spending the day with Kevin and Nora, but at the same time I am really looking forward to getting out and having some girl time. I haven’t done anything like that in almost five years and I am much over due. Especially looking back on all of my other wacky adventures. It really isn’t surprising that I get so frustrated with the pace of life in Nowheresville.
When I moved here it was a welcome reprieve from the madness, but as my life calmed down I started to get bored. I kind of hate to admit it but I thrived in the chaos, slowing down has taken a lot of getting used to. It’s much better for me physically, mentally, in general really, but there are days that I miss my dangerous youth. Not for very long, but sometimes.
Anyway… my adult responsibility is calling. Until later Bloggies. 🙂