Not Looking Forward to This

Bloggies, I’m not looking forward to my therapy assignment this week. I love my therapist, and she’s been really helpful as far as getting the cogs to turn and improving my symptoms and triggers. She’s only doing her job when she issues these assignments, and I know that I will benefit from them in the long run. I’m not going to NOT do this weeks assignment, but I do feel like I should issue a disclaimer or a warning especially since I’ve been in such a good mood the past few days. I’m about to turn into a blubbering emotional mess. lol.

My assignment this week is to go back and write down every account of my life being in danger at the hands of people I trusted. When my therapist issued the assignment I laughed and asked her if I could write down the times I was NOT in danger, because that would be a shorter list. She didn’t find that nearly as amusing as I did, and the assignment stayed the same. I guess even though I feel like my mind is back to where it belongs, and my mood is lifted my subconscious is still stuck in trauma mode. When we were discussing things at my session this week I apparently brought up an event which we had previously discussed, and showed great emotional reaction to it. Still, even though we had previously discussed it. 

Basically, it’s still there hanging out in the back of my mind where it shouldn’t be. I need to bring it to the surface, which is why I have to write it all down…. again. I’m still trying to decide in what medium I want to write it down. I kind of want to share it here, because sharing it publicly seems to do a lot more than sharing it privately, but it’s pretty intense and ugly. Some members of my audience really don’t need to be reading it… at least right now. So… I might be taking a little bit of a blogging break. I guess I’ll just start in on the assignment and see how I feel after writing on it for a little bit.