Grrr…

Sometimes I really hate my malfunctioning brain. Sitting here trying to focus on happy awesome holiday things, not g to be distracted by my therapy or digging up old memories, and my brain is like: “HA! Nice try! Here have some nightmares! Oh, and we’ll toss in a flashback just because you’re ignoring the nightmares.”

So obviously, while visiting my therapist today, I brought them up. I mean that’s what I’m paying her for, so there’s no reason to edit things out. It was a good and positive session but it’s presented me with quite the dilemma. I have to make a really big decision and I feel like it’s literally life or death at this point. Of course talking about my nightmares was an obvious trigger so I’m not going to just jump right in with both feet and chose option a or option b, but it’s really beating me up right now the fact that I even HAVE this decision to make. Yes I am being ultra vague right now, and for that I apologize. It’s nothing personal, I’m just so overwhelmed right now I don’t really know what to say. Which is part of the reason this post is so late lol. I WANT to write about everything going on and not leave these pointless little vague posts strewn about, but I seriously can’t even find the words. 

I can feel myself slipping back into old coping mechanisms as I’m feeling so overwhelmed and that is the absolute LAST thing I want. I’ve been coping with things poorly for ages, and it’s gotten me nowhere other than confused and upset. I’m at least aware of it now which is helpful in making the choice for change, but wow. It just makes everything so much more difficult.ezsdsxw1za` 

lol As you can see, Nora is ready for bed and demanding my attention. I guess I’ll have to cut this one short Bloggies. Until later. 🙂