Hypersensitivity is for the birds. My intuition alarm bells are ringing like crazy but I can’t figure out why. That on top of the nightmares/flashbacks whatever is going on at night here recently my mind is just a pool of incoherent mush right now. I’m trying to keep myself busy tending to the house work and Nora, but I feel like I’ve done nothing but sit on the couch for the better part of a week. I think it’s the weather. It’s been all overcast and dreary. I think I need to invest in one of those vitamin d lamps or something. I never really noticed how the change in seasons affected me before, but I wasn’t really paying attention to my moods before either lol.
It could also be the weight of everything catching up with me. I’ve been so busy concentrating on NaNo and preparing for the holiday that I didn’t really have time to be introspective. I did that on purpose. I didn’t want to cloud any celebrations with dragging up old memories. Now, left to my own devices, they’re starting to creep back into the forefront of my mind. It’s weird because this time it’s like I’m viewing them through a dirty window. I can see them replaying in my head, but I feel very removed from them. I sense there is some sort of important revelation waiting in those dusty memories, but I can’t quite reach them.
It’s AWESOME and frustrating at the same time. The fact that my memories are feeling more removed now is a good thing, the sense that I’m missing something important from them is not. I guess it could just be my brain reconfiguring things now that it’s starting to heal and get back to normal. I’m definitely not opposed to it, but it does make for a frustrating experience. I feel almost trapped by them in a way. Something important is sitting right in front of me, and I can’t quite figure it out.