Today I am thankful for my Little. Especially since we’ve been having a difficult time conceiving a second child. Little Nora Shae truly has been my Lucky 13. She is a tiny little mirror into myself, and nothing inspires me more for my journey through my PTSD than looking into her big, blue, innocent eyes.
Knowing that a tiny little human being, full of thoughts, emotions, and so much potential looks up to me, relies on me for her most basic needs, and loves me simply for the fact that I am her mother is the most amazing, and scary feeling in the world. I don’t really struggle with the classic “mom guilt” that a lot of my fellow mothers struggle with, but that’s just because I’m exceptionally confident in my parenting abilities.
I also know first hand that kids are built to survive. No matter how hard you try, parenting will always lack something. That’s how it’s designed. Parents aren’t supposed to provide a perfect environment for their children. Parents are supposed to nurture, and foster independence. Part of doing that means letting the kids experience difficult things, no matter how heart breaking it may be to watch. It’s all a part of the process.
Recently my Little has grown into a rather defiant stage, and as much as it pushes my buttons to watch her purposely make a decision even after I’ve told her no, with pause and thought behind it I am thankful. Thankful that she has a mind of her own, and can recognize her ability to make choice. Even though as she’s still learning it’s the WRONG choice 90% of the time, the ability is there and she understands. Even in her small world right now, she understands.
I’m thankful that I am able to see the understanding behind her eyes. It gives me an infinite amount of patience which I rarely have for anyone else. Being able to see the understanding reminds me that instead of just being a brat she is learning, exploring, and discovering. Testing the small theories she has thought of.
It’s been such a blessing watching her grow. I can’t wait for the next stage. 🙂