My house is officially a mess. I mean it’s always cluttered because cleaning falls to the very bottom of my priority list pretty much always. It’s not like caked in dirt or anything, but it’s pretty much always cluttered and messy. This month? It’s so messy that even I’M beginning to take notice. The basics are done. You know, dishes, laundry, child care, the basics, but the things that really make the house like dusting, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming have all been sorely neglected over the past few weeks.
I started getting caught up yesterday when I realized that oh hey, people are going to be at my house next week for the holiday, but I still have a long way to go. Especially with Nora toddling all over the place cluttering up rooms left and right. lol. She is absolutely THRILLED to throw all of her toys out of her toy boxes, but she hasn’t quite learned how much fun it is to put them all back. lol. I’m trying to make it seem like the absolute most awesome thing ever while I’m picking up hoping that she’ll catch on, but so far I haven’t had any luck. lol.
Other than that, nothing really has been going on aside from freak weather. I’ve put my book on hold indefinitely. I completed NaNoWriMo this year, but with all the time and effort I put into it, so many old memories I stirred up, and just the general amount of energy it took to dig into my psyche I need a break. When I started the project I thought I was in a good place and everything was going to be okay. The farther I got into it, the more I realized that just wasn’t the case. What I did get written has taken an enormous load off emotionally speaking, and it’s really helped me answer some of those nagging questions about that period of my life.
Just to clarify, not to be mean, but to be clear since I’ve had some problems with clarity in the past, I’m not talking about any specific PERSON, but I’m talking about a period of my life. 2003-2009 I was a mess. I want to understand why I was a mess so I don’t make the same mistakes. 2006-2008 I was in a relationship, and I’ve already caught myself making some of the same mistakes with Kevin that I did during that fiasco. It scares me, because I love Kevin, and I don’t want to lose him. I do tend to focus on that part of my past a bit more than the rest, but it’s not because I want to change it or go back to it. I just want to learn from it.
I wasn’t able to do that until recently. Yeah… it’s been a really long time and it seems suspicious that I started going through this when Kevin and I hit a rough patch. I can see the misconception there. It is valid, and I do understand. But from my perspective, in analyzing, and learning from my past it also makes sense that it popped up when Kevin and I hit a rough patch. If everything was smooth sailing, I wouldn’t have felt the need to go back and analyze it. The newlywed bliss wore off, and the daily grind of marriage set it. That’s really all that happened. lol.
It’s also taken me a good few months to figure out exactly what I was doing myself. I knew my intentions going into it, but then everything got all stirred up and it got confusing. Then I started to doubt myself and question my intentions which lead to a whole host of other tangents, and… well it’s just been a rough ride. I imagine it’s been pretty entertaining for those in the audience. lol. Either way… I said all of that to say this. I’m heading into the home stretch. I’ve made a whole lot of progress in these past few months. I just have a mountain of issues to deal with. lol. That’s what happens when you neglect your mental health for ten years. A mountain of issues.
Anyway… we’re heading into the Holiday Season and I don’t want anyone to worry about this mess. So, while I’m not going to stop writing completely, I will be taking a break. I’ll still be blogging, but about happy holiday things, not Kelli’s Crazy Files. lol. Until later Bloggies 🙂