November

Alright, Bloggies. I’m back after a much needed blogging break. Well I didn’t really need a break from blogging so much as I needed some time to process. November is a pretty difficult month for me all around. Not just because of the holiday season and NaNo, but a lot more than that. I reached the absolute lowest point in my life during the month of November 2005. I don’t really want to get into the nitty gritty details of it… well I do, but I don’t think now is a very good time to write about it. At least here in the blogosphere, especially with the glorious irony that is my life, basically reliving these experiences on the anniversary of the original occurrence. It’s been a month, and I’ve been a mess.

It’s kind of hard to explain to a lot of people too. I mean everyone has difficult memories, but recently it’s gone beyond just memories. I haven’t had any classic defined flashbacks so to speak where I’m just completely not myself, but I’ve definitely been getting swept up in not only the thoughts associated with memory, but the emotions too. I’ll be lost in my own world and Kevin will say something completely innocent and I’ll either start bawling or yelling at him. Not because of anything he has done specifically, but because my triggers are ULTRA sensitive right now being so unintentionally consumed with these bad places in my life. I’m aware of it, which means my flare ups aren’t lasting for days or weeks this go around and I would take as a massive sign of improvement, but they are still there.

It’s all on the up and up, and process of reconciliation with my past. It doesn’t make it any less difficult, especially since where I’m at now are the darkest days of my life. I mean where I’m at in the reconciliation process. Not currently lol. Currently life is pretty awesome, which I think is why I feel secure enough to start battling my demons so to speak.

Anyway… my brain still isn’t quite back on track so this post is kind of lacking in substance lol. Give me a few more days to get back in the groove. Until later Bloggies. 🙂