Bloggies, it’s a mere four days until NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) madness begins and I have found myself in a really weird state of transition. It’s sort of writers block, but it’s also my self defense mechanism kicking in, ruining all of my plans as usual. Thank you brain, for freaking out and shutting down when I need you most.
For me, that seems to be the most ANNOYING trait of this PTSD thing. The irrational redirection of mental energy. The thing I need most to be focused on, and working towards for some reason clicks that switch in my brain and all of my mental faculties just completely shut down. It’s especially weird for me, because my normal fear based reaction is Hypographia (which I briefly discussed here). If I’ve encountered a trigger somewhere in all of my shenanigans last week I SHOULD be writing up a storm. A nonsensical storm, but a storm none the less.
This time, I’m having trouble just gaining enough focus to BLOG. Let alone sit down and write out all my therapy assignments, and continue piecing together my book. Which, honestly, is a therapy assignment, but it’s more of the end goal. Not really a week to week assignment. I have those I’ve been neglecting too.
I think I might just need a break. I’ve been powering along since late August, digging deep into my psyche, forcing myself to confront my past and see it for what it really was instead of the delusions I’ve manufactured over the years. I’m ready for it, but at the same time it’s really stressful and emotional. On top of trying to take care of the housework, my daughter and my relationship with my husband it’s quite a plate full. lol. Especially since we’re adding on the stress of hosting the holidays which are creeping ever closer.
I think I’m going to go brew a hot cup of tea, listen to some quiet music, and wait for the words to start flowing. Nora is playing quietly in her room, and the dogs are napping. If I don’t act now I’ll miss my opportunity lol. Until later Bloggies. 🙂