Soul mates. The One. The missing piece. The perfect fit. Love at first site. All of these things are commonly taught the world over when describing the ideal relationship. So many people go through life searching for this person, this little missing piece of their soul, and rarely do they find it.
I can speak with authority on the matter, trust me, because while I love him, and will remain faithful to him, Kevin is not my One.
Before everyone gets all up in arms over this, hold on. Hear me out. Just because Kevin isn’t my One, doesn’t mean the love I have for him is any less real, or less special. While he’s not my perfect match, Kevin IS my perfect complement. That’s what I truly need in my life. The last thing I need is some one to enhance my insanity. I need someone who is patient, reliable, stable, thoughtful… you know everything that I’m not. I’m not patient, I’m unstable, because of my instability I’m kind of unreliable, and every one reading this knows I don’t think things through very well. lol.
I realize this about our relationship, but sometimes it’s really frustrating because we ARE so different. But Kevin’s my anchor. He keeps me moored in the sea of my insanity. I want to be with him, I just hate to have this distance between us, and I don’t really know how to fix that. The distance between us is the whole reason I started looking into PTSD and therapy in the first place. I don’t want to be that couple who’s together just because it’s easier than being alone. Or you know we have a daughter, so I don’t want to be that couple who hates each other but stays together “for the kids”. I want depth, I want substance, I want real. Where we are right now, at least to me, doesn’t feel real.
I know a whole lot ABOUT Kevin but I don’t really KNOW Kevin. The same way Kevin knows a lot ABOUT me, but doesn’t really KNOW me. Again, it’s really just because we’re complementary to each other. Having this new level of understanding makes it a little easier, but it’s going to be quite an up hill battle. I mean how do you remain true to yourself with out alienating your partner when you view the world in such dramatic contrast to one another? I’m sure it can be done, because we do love each other. No one said marriage or relationships are easy, but they also never said they were impossible. lol. So while we’ve hit this little snag, The House of Hale is far from over, and I’m no longer freaking out about it. lol.
Anyway… off to meet Kevin for lunch. Until later Bloggies. 🙂