Kind of a Jerk

So part of my assignment this week was to figure out what I would miss if something happened to Kevin. It sounds kind of harsh that I have to “figure it out” but really, he’s so busy working we don’t really spend time together. It’s kind of hard to miss some one, when they’re never really around in the first place. We honestly live separate lives through the week, and on the weekends he’s so tired normally he spends all of his time sleeping. 

Which isn’t a problem. I mean he’s not out running around getting drunk or high or being unfaithful. He’s providing for his family. It’s not a bad thing at all. I mean finding a guy who’s willing to do that these days is next to impossible. As jerkish as it sounds, I’ve just gotten used to him not being around. We text back and forth all day when he’s on break, and he calls during his lunch hour but that’s about the extent of our relationship honestly. 

But you know, it’s not REALLY our relationship I’m trying to figure out here. It’s ME. I have a terrible time analyzing things sitting right in front of me. I can look forward and analyze, and I can look back and analyze, but in the moment I am COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS. So it’s nothing that he’s doing wrong, it’s just the way I’m looking at it. I apparently have to retrain my brain to live in the moment. Which is really weird coming from someone so random and impulsive. lol.

I sincerely wish I had some one who would like grab me by the shoulders and shake me back and forth yelling: “KELLI THIS IS WHAT’S HAPPENING.” lol. Or you know, could appreciate the people who have wandered in and out of my life willing to do that.  There were a few, but I just got mad at them and they gave up. So yeah… I’m really kind of a jerk. lol.

Anyway… onward and upward. Now that I’m aware of it I can at least try to correct it. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to do that completely especially since I’ve been this way for twenty something years, but I will at least make an effort. 

I guess that’s what I would really miss about Kevin if something ever happened. His patience, stability, and commitment to me even in my craziest moments. I’m kiiiiiiiiiiind of a handful. But hey! At least life isn’t boring with me around. lol.

Anyway, I need to get off here and go do laundry, dishes and all of those other productive housewifey things. Until later Bloggies. 🙂