Stumbling Block

So I was going through all of my notebooks yesterday and everything was going well until I got to the last one. I opened it and started flipping through pages when out fell another picture paper clipped to a whole bunch of notes. It was the list of things I had been gathering for wedding ideas. Yep. That one really stung.

Now, it’s true everything was very informal. There was never an official proposal, or an official ring, or anything other than casual conversation really. Sometimes it was more serious than others, but it was never TRUELY set in stone. If anything it was more of a: “Hey, there’s a war and you’re joining the military. We should probably get married if this is serious” type discussion. That, and the Smalley wedding, as well as the Newman wedding all happened with in a few months of each other so it came up quite a lot.

We had our idea of what we wanted for the ceremony, a date, and I was saving for the dress I picked out, but aside from that there weren’t ever any serious plans made. I think the only people who had any idea we’d even discussed it were my parents and sisters and that in itself was kind of a fluke. We had just discussed it in the car on the way to my sister’s birthday dinner, and then mom happened to ask that evening so we went with it.

Of course two weeks later we were talking about whether we should stay together at all, so the entire conversation with my parents could have just been a spur of the moment thing, or trying not to make things incredibly awkward for my sister on her birthday. I don’t really know. None the less, the picture that was attached to everything was the picture my parents took of us after we “announced the news”.  Mom had it all printed out nicely with our names, because she was going to use it for the invitations. And there was a little hand written note that I never got to send when he was in BMT. Yeah…

Kind of kicked me in the chest a little bit. Really wish I hadn’t opened that…. BUT… in a gloriously ironic twist of fate, the date we chose for our wedding that never happened, was IN FACT the same date that Kevin’s divorce was finalized! lol. So it ended up being a special day for a completely different reason, which made me laugh and took away a lot of the sting of everything else.  Hopefully that’s really the LAST of all of my stashes of various sentimental things. I can’t believe I hadn’t gone through that notebook in all of the moving back and forth all over the Midwest I did there for a while. Or maybe I had, but still wasn’t quite ready to let go. Either way…

Yet again, I encountered things that normally would have sent me into a mental flurry for a good solid day or two, and other than a few tears I was able to get up toss it in the trash and continue with my day. TOP SCORE.  Even though I got stuck on my homework assignment this week I have made lots of improvement in other areas which is GREATLY (I would say insanely, but that seems trite lol) encouraging. *happy dance*

Anyway… Nora is starting to fuss so I better go tend to her. Until later Bloggies. 🙂

6 thoughts on “Stumbling Block

  1. Getting married is about the marriage not the wedding. I get what you’re saying and that girls want the “stuff” that usually goes along with a wedding. Your situation was different but you got married anyway. It was pretty cool if I remember correctly?? I got married so ass backwards. A quick ceremony and a party at a friends house. On our 10th anniversary we did it a bit more formally in a church with everyone witnessing it. Sweetie, it meant so much more after having 10 years under our belt. Maybe you can strive for it down the road. Make it exactly as you want it then! Just my opinion but you’re a lucky gal with a hubby and daughter and new home! 🙂

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  2. It’s amazing how even years later something like that can bring all that hurt back, even if your life (if not necessarily the emotional) has moved well beyond that. There’s a quote from a famous author (can’t remember which one at the moment) that is basically, “The past isn’t in the past. Hell, it isn’t even passed yet.” Meaning that the past always influences the future, we are everything we’ve ever gone through. Said in relation to creating characters, but applies just as much to real human beings.

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  3. Oh lol. This wasn’t in reference to my wedding to Kevin. This was the wedding I had planned with another guy that didn’t work out. My wedding to Kevin was just what I wanted. 🙂

    Sorry my posts are kind of vague… There are a whole bunch of other circumstances surrounding the blog that make it kind of hard for me to clarify sometimes. lol.

    Thank you for the advice though. I really appreciate it. 🙂

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  4. I hate to be so crude but that story made me laugh. The first time I got some after our breakup was the day the divorce became final.

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