Rain, Rain

Today has been a dreary cool fall day. Personally I really like days like these, but today it’s giving me a chance to think about stuff going on and it’s kind of depressing really. Not depressing in the sense the events themselves are depressing, but more of depressing in the way that I’m kind of stuck in the middle of it all.

I’m moving forward, which is awesome, but it’s also TAKING FOREVER. lol. I’m not a very patient person by nature so these long pauses in between “break throughs” as it were, frustrate me. Not because they’re bad but because it requires a lot of back and forth going on in my brain. Logic, emotions, and all of that. When I feel something should be obvious, and it’s not, it gets under my skin. lol. That, and because of my extraordinary empathy, I tend to figure out what others want before I figure out my own needs so there’s that internal conflict going on too.

I’m off balance, which is part of the entire problem. I mean there’s nothing wrong with putting others before yourself, but not at the COST of yourself. I KNOW this, but being able to CHANGE that part of myself is giving me quite a fight lol. And I don’t ever want to lose my empathy entirely, I just need to reign it in a little bit. lol. Just a touch.

I have plenty of things I could be doing around the house right now, it’s just really hard to get motivated with the dreary weather. I kind of want to just bundle up in a warm hoodie and sweats and go sit on a park bench while it rains. I haven’t gone and sat out in the rain for a long time. Mostly because around here rain is normally associated with thunder storms and I would really rather not get struck by lightning lol. That and most of the time I have Nora, and I’m not carting the Little out with me into the rain just because I’m feeling deep and introspective lol.

I think I’m just going to snuggle up with a giant mug of coffee and write for a while. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this year. I certainly have plenty to write about, but I don’t know if I want to cram all my focus into writing when I’m hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year. I guess technically I only have like 15k more words to write to my latest project before I reach 50k… but then I feel like I’m cutting myself short by not truly starting a brand new project on November 1st. Of course I didn’t think I was going to participate in CampNaNo in July either and I swept that victory in just three days lol. I guess it really depends on what all happens in the next few weeks and how focused I am.

Speaking of focused… I’m starting to lose mine for this post. lol. Until later Bloggies. 🙂

3 thoughts on “Rain, Rain

  1. I’ve struggle with much of what you said here, and not to be depressing but tens years’ worth of therapy later, I’m still struggling with it. 😉 Seriously, though, excellently written, my dear. Better than any sputtering I’ve managed on the subject. *applause*

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