My Mortal Enemy: The Chemical Pregnancy. Strike SIX off on my chart… although in all honesty I guess if the pregnancy wasn’t meant to last losing it earlier rather than later is “better”. It’s at least much less traumatic, but no less depressing, and certainly no less painful. I think this one hit me a lot harder than most of the others because my pregnancy with Nora was so easy.
Before Nora I wasn’t even sure that I could carry a pregnancy to full term. I mean, after three actual miscarriages, and two chemical pregnancies that just didn’t take off what would you think? Of course during that time there was a whole host of other circumstances going on which added various other reasons to why none of my pregnancies lasted but then I married Kevin and on our first attempt: SUCCESS! Nora! So I foolishly got my hopes up thinking that it hadn’t in fact been me the first five times, but no. I wasn’t so lucky.
Which is why I was so apprehensive about trying again, and so worried that something terrible would happen during my first trimester with Nora. UGH. It makes me mad more than sad right now. Especially since I was SO careful to change my diet and faithfully take my vitamins every day, stop my intense exercise program, get plenty of sleep, trying so hard NOT to be stressed out, and still… it just wasn’t meant to be.
At this point I don’t even want to keep trying, because I don’t want to go through this anymore. You know, and I could have kept it to myself until we were 100% sure at 12 weeks that Baby 2 was going to last, but when it’s such a sensitive subject I don’t WANT to keep it all bottled up because it stresses me out, which then causes more problems.
So yeah. It hasn’t been a very good day around here at the House of Hale today. 😦