The human mind is an amazing thing. It has the capacity to not only hurt itself, but heal itself. I just wish I didn’t have to pay $100 an hour for some one to steer my mind in the right direction. lol. Really I was headed there on my own but taking the step to go to therapy has really helped expedite the process. It’s probably one of the best decisions I’ve made in my entire life.
There is a great book I read many years ago called The Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block, and the Creative Brain by Alice W. Flaherty. It introduced me to the concept of Hypergraphia. While there hasn’t been any official research into it’s relation to PTSD, because Hypergraphia relates to the increase in activity in the frontal lobe (which is also affected in cases of PTSD) I can relate to it EXTREMELY well. I related to it years before my diagnosis as I stumbled upon this book in late 2005.
That being the case, assuming that Hypergraphia can be associated with PTSD, writing isn’t so much a hobby for me as it is a literal way to keep myself sane. I have this intense and literal NEED to write especially in times of intense stress. My mind may wander into some really dark places but as long as I’m writing about them it’s all good. lol. It’s when I STOP writing, sharing and expressing that things start down a slippery slope.
My writing first took off in 2000 during the beginning of my teenage angst. I wrote my very first completed novel in October of 2001 during the height of hysteria surrounding the terrorist attacks on September 11th. My first successful NaNoWriMo was completed waiting anxiously for my Little’s arrival, and now my memoirs have been inspired by a cascade of little stressful events after Nora’s birth.
Writing cleanses and purges my mind, calms the storm of my misfiring synapses, and is an absolute necessity in my life. Sharing my writing? That is up in the air. I think it’s valuable to share my experiences, and I don’t mind doing so. I know that the interaction I receive from blogging seems to help much more than keeping everything all tucked away in a private journal, but I can’t speak as to it’s true NEED in my life.
My life has to be written, but finding the balance of what needs to be shared versus what needs to be burned is going to be quite a task. I guess that’s why I pay $100 for some one to help be figure it out. lol.