My blog has been sullied. No matter how many times I rant and rave and explain that it’s not meant to be anything more than a place to collect my thoughts people have twisted it around to some sort of agenda. Not anyone specific, just in general. I keep running into this problem and it was brought to my attention again recently.
I don’t know what to do. I love this. I love being able to post whatever thoughts pop into my head and move on with my day. I’m flattered and really surprised that people take their time to read what I’ve written as it was never truly my intention to gain a following. It just sort of happened. But now that I HAVE gained a following, as comes with different people and different opinions my posts have gotten misconstrued and thus the integrity of the blog itself is compromised.
It’s become a hassle and delicate dance around people’s feelings versus my own mixed with my desire to heal myself yet not hurt others. Everyone tells me that I should keep a private journal instead of a public blog, but really this IS my private journal. The only people I’ve shared this with are the people who are close to me and are going to hear about it anyway whether I blog or not. I have picked up a few random stragglers along the way which have become some of my best friends, but my transparency is the reason that we became such good friends in the first place.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of my struggles recently have been entirely my own fault. I’m doing this to myself, but dragging others along for the ride and really that is the last thing that I want. I think by having this here, and by doing this I am only furthering a conflict that both parties desperately want resolved and yet are unable to walk away from. I’m not exactly sure WHY things can’t just be accepted as they are, but for some reason they can’t be. Maybe it’s selfishness, maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s confusion, or misunderstanding. I don’t know. I’ll never know, but what I DO know is that I don’t want to be adding any more fuel to the fire, and if this blog is doing that for any reason I don’t know if I can continue.
It’s a tough decision Bloggies… and won’t be made lightly…