There is a switch in the brain somewhere that says: “Care: too much, average amount, not enough.” I have an insanely hard with this switch. I don’t know if that stems from my other processing problems, or if my heart is just too big, but it gets me into loads of trouble ALL THE TIME. Especially since when I am stuck in Care Overdrive, sacrificing my comforts and securities for the most mundane and random of things, a lot of other people just don’t understand. Which then translates into ME having a problem, and not being able to let things go.
I admit there are things that I can’t just let go of right away, but letting go and ceasing to care (at least in my book) are two very different things. I can accept situations as they are, and remove myself from the feelings associated with whatever the situation may be. I will NEVER cease to CARE about a situation. I’ve grown up enough to understand that sometimes even the best intentions make things worse, and not everything I encounter is a battle I can win (or should be fighting for that matter lol), but even in those instances I always find myself going above and beyond what is considered “normal”.
It freaks people out. Well in the “real” world anyway. That’s partially why I love blogging so much. All of you Bloggies have happened across my blog completely by chance, and even though most of us have never met in person I know that every time you take the time to post a comment or read my rambling that you CARE. For no other reason than something I wrote one day caught your eye. It is one of the most raw and completely genuine things I have ever done to become a blogger. It’s like a little island out there in a sea of cynicism that seems to be growing larger with each passing day.
It’s selflessness that no one seems to understand. I’ve encountered a few people in my day who down right REFUSE to accept my selfless caring as anything but a hidden agenda and in all honesty it really breaks my heart. I mean what kind of life have these people had where a simple act of kindness, or selflessness turns their entire world upside down? Where doing the right thing is SO RARE that to even comprehend the IDEA of it the only way they can respond is by lashing out? How can you walk away from that? How can you just be like: “Oh well I tried.” and send them back into their dark world with out kindness or hope? It’s because I want to fix everything. I’m a fixer. If I find a problem, I just want to make things all better, but sometimes in my quest to right wrongs I make things a million times worse. lol. I guess some times the only thing you CAN do to fix things is walk away. I just really, really, REALLY, hate doing that. Ever. For any reason.
I wish I could find a way to flip my Care Switch down at least a little so I wouldn’t appear to be a complete nut job with a hidden agenda. I don’t want to sacrifice my empathy entirely because to do that would be to sacrifice the core of my existence, but… I don’t know. lol. Is any of this even making any sense, Bloggies?