It feels good to once again have a goal I’m diligently plodding towards. For a while after the Little was born I was feeling kind of lost. There were plenty of things I WANTED to do, but none that I had the motivation enough to go out and do. Or the time really, with a newborn. Now, I feel renewed and purposeful again. I know I always had a purpose, I didn’t fall into some sort of weird angsty depression (well more so than I’m usually angsty or depressed) I just kind of felt like I was floating. It was a good floating, but I’m thankful to have the anchor of something to work towards again.
Hopefully my enthusiasm doesn’t fizzle out, or get derailed by my second impending pregnancy. Oh, something I should explain. I know I talk about Baby 2 a lot, and some times it’s hard to distinguish if I’m pregnant or not, but there’s a valid reason. I am a planner. I plan things for years before I actually go and do them. Kevin and I have always known that when we started having kids, we wanted at least two, we wanted them less than 3 years apart, and I wanted to be finished having children before I was 30. Part of my thought process is writing here. Just something about the physical act of writing makes gears whir in my brain that otherwise would remain dormant. I don’t know, it’s just how I am.
Family is also my number one ultimate priority before anything else. We want at least one more kiddo, and before I go setting off on my own personal self betterment. Huh, what about that? Betterment is an actual word? lol I didn’t know that… or I did and it’s been locked away in my Lost Vocabulary. ANYWAY… back on track, yes. Family will always come first, so while I can sit here and make all these other wonderful plans for myself nothing is going to happen until we have Baby 2, or we try for Baby 2 until I’m 30.
I admit, if Baby 2 doesn’t happen right away, I probably will go ahead and move on towards pursuing my schooling. Only for the fact that as much as I want another child, I am also completely happy with the one I have, and I accept (especially with all my history of miscarriage) that two kids just may not be in the cards for me. I’ve been blessed with my Little, and I am supremely thankful for her every day. I don’t particularly want her to be an only child, but like I said. I’m realistic, and slightly pessimistic in my thinking. I’m not going to use Baby 2 as an excuse to not chase after my dreams, but I’m not going to throw myself head long into my education before Baby 2 either.
Rest assured! When I am actually pregnant there will be happy flailing excited posts. Until later Bloggies!